The site they had to leave because of the hurricane, and so all the animals have been roaming free for the past four years. NC (voiceover): Speaking of which, it looks like there's another island with dinosaurs on it that Hammond wants Goldblum and a team of people to observe.
Ian (from Jurassic Park): That's-that's chaos theory. Why did nobody believe him when he said there were dinosaurs again? (He looks off to recount the five death scenes from the first Jurassic Park film with the following people: 1. You twisted the facts surrounding the deaths of three people. Peter Ludlow (Arliss Howard): You signed a non-disclosure agreement before you went to the island that expressively forbade you from discussing anything you saw. Sattler? Hammond? The kids? What's wrong with these people?! There's fucking dinosaurs loose! How come the only person who ever tells anybody about it is the one nutball who obviously nobody's gonna believe? (Images of several characters appear as their names are mentioned) Ohhhh, they must be the villains! (Speaks normally) They're led by Hammond's nephew named Peter, who is not happy as Malcolm was the only one of the survivors who broke the not-disclosure agreement and told everybody about the island.
NC (voiceover in a menacing tone): We're then approached by men in suits. (Back to the movie, where men in suits are walking down a staircase.) Ustinov: (sadly looks at camera) Me, too. So he drops off by the house of John Hammond, played again by Richard Attenborough, (clip of Tim and Lex) as we see some familiar faces: The two little kids from the first movie! Oh, fuck him, let's just call him Jeff Goldblum, because we all know that's who he's really playing. NC (voiceover): So we have our main character, Ian Malcolm. (Clip from the first Jurassic Park film.)
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NC (voiceover): Was the movie trying to make us think she was screaming at Jeff Goldblum? Granted, I would scream at that, too, but that's kind of a confused joke. (After Deidre screams, there is a sudden cut to Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) yawning at a subway station standing in front of a tropical island poster.) (Clip of Deirdre's over-the-top scream plays once more.) NC: (raises his arms and throws them down) The Aristocrats! (a rimshot is heard) (Clip of Deirdre's over-the-top scream plays again.) NC: Seriously, what woman- especially seeing her daughter get eaten- would take the time to raise her arms in the air and throw them down? You do that while telling a joke! NC mimics her actions and screams twice.) (Deirdre raises her arms and throws them down as she screams. NC (voiceover): And now for comedically over the top scream in 3-2-1! (The crew, Deirdre, and Paul are now running towards Cathy's screams. ( Paul Bowman-Cathy's father-hears Cathy's screams.) NC (voiceover chuckling): It certainly is! Cut back to Cathy hearing more Compys coming they appear out of nowhere and surround her.)ĭeirdre Bowman (Cathy's mother): Cathy, darling! Lunch is ready! (NC screams and tries to squash a Compy with his hat while the Compy jumps around, giggling. NC (voiceover): Uhhh, what little girl is this? Any real child would take a look at that little green monster and go. A couple of seconds later, a little Compsognathus pops out.) (A little girl named Cathy Bowman hears a noise in a nearby bush. (scoffs) Rich people in a monster movie? (sarcastically) Well, I'm sure this is going to end fine for them. NC (voiceover): So we start off on a different island where a family on their yacht is spending their vacation. For me, I'm a glutton for fucking punishment! So, let us sink our teeth into (frustratingly) The Lost World. The characters are idiots, the story's absurd, the effects aren't as good as the first movie.
This movie is sort of like a mix between Congo and the biggest whiners of PETA. NC (voiceover): Talk about a letdown sequel. (Title card of and clips from The Lost World: Jurassic Park are shown.) Spielberg? Before you even knew what you had, you patented it, you packaged it, you slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now (bangs table) you're selling it, (bangs table again) you're selling it. NC: (as Ian Malcolm from the film) And you know what, Mr. So as you can imagine, there was a lot of hype for Steven Spielberg to do another movie. Sort of a monster movie meets family adventure, Jurassic Park introduced groundbreaking effects, heart-stopping action scenes, and continues to be Steven Spielberg's highest-grossing film. NC (voiceover): What can you say about it? It's a classic story of science screwing with nature.